While we are great fans of surfing and admit it’s probably one of the coolest looking things to be good at, we realize that for something to look so piece-of-cake when it’s done well, there’s inevitably a lot more to it that we don’t understand. Stuff like vernacular, specifics and details are lost on most of us, and exactly the reason why most sports interviews are so boring.
So we decided to devise a questionnaire that seamlessly balanced surf stuff most everyone could understand, surf stuff dumb people like us would ask, and random bit of Canadiana, all resulting in a final interview to delight you and aggravate (a little) the very patient and cool guys we asked.
Do people ever surf at night?
Yes. Lit by the northern lights and riding on dolphins.
Do you ever pee in your wetsuit to keep warm?
Actually shitting in your wetsuit sustains more warmth. Shit has more density and it helps to plug any leaky seams.
The stereotypical Californian surfer dude has long blonde hair and wears flip flops and billabong shorts. What does the typical Canadian surfer look like?
Surfers all look the same no matter where they live.
People who don't surf always seem to be talking about how often sharks attack. Do you ever get worried about things like that in certain spots?
Always. That's why I shit in my wetsuit.
From what you've heard or seen, where can you go in the world to get the absolute biggest waves?
Bells Beach during any 50 year storm. But I hear it's death on a stick out there.
What is the biggest lie you've told about Canada?
I never lie about Canada.
Do you get a lot of shit from other water sports athletes? Like water-skiers?
Yeah water skiers are always cutting through the line up trying to spray us. They're a real bunch of rascals. They all hang out at this one bar that Surfer's aren't allowed to go to and they have matching denim vests. Real badasses those water-skiers.
In the same way skaters hate rollerbladers. are there rivalries between different disciplines, eg. between surfers and boogieboarders?
There's nothing as bad as rollerblading.
How did you start?
I was 9 and I road a giant boogie board standing up
What are the wildest conditions you've ever taken your board out into?
Once when I flew to Hawaii I got dropped off with my board at this bar. My friend was supposed to be working but he got fired or something. Then this fight broke out and I had to run. I jumped in a jeep with two ozzies who kicked me out (still with my board) into a burning sugar cane field. I ran around trying to get some sugar cane till they picked me up. Then they took me back to there beach house and tried to get me to join them in the hot tub.
What's your favourite music to listen to before you surf?
Anything by Sublime.
How did you get Converge drummer Ben Koller involved in scoring ‘Surf’s Up Here’?
We worked with this other guy, Jonny Pockets, and he happened to be friends with Ben. I told Johnny I didn't want some acoustic bullshit, and to make the score heavy. Like Floor [band from Florida], he ran with it from there.
Is it hard to film surfers? Have you ever wound up underwater and totally disoriented, or caught in the undertow with the camera?
I got a little frostbite on my fingertips because you kinds have to wear five finger gloves to shoot video, and five finger gloves don't cut it in Nova Scotia winter. Most people are wearing mittens or lobster claws. But I'm always scared of an undertow. Swim parallel.
What's the difference between the East coast and West coast surfing scenes in Canada?
The east coast is cold. The west coast looks cold.
How do you get rid of or prevent what Canadian surfers call an "icecream headache?"
You don't. You just deal with it.
What surfer stereotype do you hate the most?
That we're all handsome and love to party.
What's the most terrible surf-related injury you've ever gotten?
I got hit by some back wash and my butthole landed on my fin. It went straight up there and I bled.
Have you ever taken a first date surfing? Good or bad idea?
Once. Then I married her.
What is the best and worst thing about being a surfer?