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“Ninety-odd wasn’t it? No, hang on… that’s too high. OK, let’s say 80 – but at least 40 of those were so easy that he had a cigar on.”

“I like a good documentary, but for me to go to the movies and watch aliens eating aliens, it’s just not going to happen.”

[Snorts.] “Wouldn’t have a clue, mate. I would not have a clue.”

[Raises eyebrows.]

“I do all right. I eat a pretty balanced diet. Red meat – not great. Fruit and veg are all right. I’m a bit low on the fish, but that’s not difficult, living in England.”

 

“Mate, I’ve had loads of shit merchandise! Apparently, it’s quite a difficult thing to get right, although I can’t think why. There are bits of merchandise with a shocking photo on it and there are some T-shirts out there that would make your hair stand on end.”

 

“It starts, for me, the night before. I try to get as much food down as I can, as I’m not big on eating on race day, so I try to fuel up. Then it’s reasonably early to bed, around 10, with lights off at 11, usually after reading over some performance data from the engineers. On Sunday, I’ll probably have MTV on in the morning and I’ll read over the Aussie Rules footie scores. I try to get to the track as late as possible because I’m not big on standing around talking to people who don’t know what they’re on about. At the track, I go between the garage and motorhome and have briefings with the engineers. Rog [Roger Cleary], my physio, gives me a massage to get me nice and relaxed, then for about 40 minutes before the start, I just get myself right into the zone. I change into my race suit as late as possible, head to the car and that’s it.”

 

“He seemed to be a typical Northern lad. He’s a pretty robust individual and, I’d say, a bit relaxed in terms of discipline, regarding his sporting career. There’s no ego there whatsoever and I can see why people say they find it so easy to get on with him.”

 

“I absolutely love the Ashes. It’s a fantastic competition – the history, how badly each side wants to beat the other… It’s quite special. It’s a long competition and there will probably be some outstanding individual performances as well as team efforts. And it’s just as big in Australia as it is in England.”

 

“Just a bit! Viv Richards was the first one. The mindgames he used to play on bowlers by going into bat without a helmet or guards were amazing. Allan Border was another. What a hero. And he wasn’t afraid of giving his own team a spray if he thought they weren’t pulling hard enough. Steve Waugh, Ricky Ponting, Shane Warne… the list goes on. Being Australian cricket captain is a huge job back home. Only the Prime Minister’s bigger.”

 

“Full growth? No. It would be too itchy under the balaclava. I’m more of a twice-a-week man. A five o’clock shadow’s fine. Jenson [Button] has a bit of fluff on these days, doesn’t he?”

 

“Mate, it’s that aliens thing again. No idea. Who was the main man? Luke something? Him.”

 

“No, mate. They’re rubbish. They don’t bear any relationship to the real thing. It’s war games if I have to…”

 

“Sure, sometimes to myself, sometimes at the team, and another driver will get a mouthful if they block me. But it’s heat-of-the-moment stuff. I’m not a world-class swearer.”

 

“That’s tough. [A minute of deliberation follows.] Well… for a location, the Maldives. I was incredibly lucky where I grew up, too, but I wouldn’t call Queanbeyan the best place in the world.”

 

“Agh! I did a fashion shoot years ago for an Italian magazine, and I had to put on a pair of cream, pointed snakeskin shoes with a buckle on the side of them like a little buckle from a ladies’ high-heeled shoe. They still haunt me, for sure. I couldn’t believe it, but the Italians thought they were great.”

 

“Very good. At the same time, I can do you three varieties of sausages, burgers, steaks, mushrooms, aubergines… you name it. The last one I did was for 10 people, including a few Aussies – and in true Aussie fashion, none of them brought any food.”

 

“Well, they’re both pressure, but in a different way. If you screw up the barbie… well, it’s 70 per cent of the meal, so it’s a lot of people eating potato salad if you get it wrong.”

“Fighter.”

“Not bothered.” [That’s two words, Mark, but you’re excused.]

“Beautiful.”

 

“Laid-back.”

 

“Latin.”

 

“Quality.”

 

“Hungry.”

 

“Big balls.” [Two words again, but then balls come in twos.]

 

“Straight-shooter.”

“Crafty.”

 

“English.”

 

“It’s a place that I’ve really enjoyed over the 15 years I’ve been here. I have a lot of friends here, and I’ve raced in the UK right through my junior career and into F1. The Red Bull Racing factory is down the road[in Milton Keynes]. I’ll always be an Australian – but for now at least this is my home.”

 

“Who? Oh, that lunatic! Well, I remember seeing something in the distance that I thought was a bit of bodywork at first, but the closing speeds were ridiculous [more than 180 mph], so within a second I could see it was a bloke with a board. I was worried about driver safety and the thought that there might be kids watching if any of us hit him. I didn’t care about him getting creamed. Just f***ing ridiculous.”

 

“Well, I don’t actively push for it. Sometimes you might get given a nice bit of cycle gear or a heart rate monitor or something. But to be honest, I’d rather just pay for stuff like anyone else. In my experience, people who ‘give’ you something normally want something for it one way or another. I’d rather pay.”

 

“No. It’s very hard for the public to get a full impression, particularly when we’re so hidden while we’re racing. I’d say they get 70 per cent. We try to be ourselves as much as we can, but people get a perception that’s maybe not right. Tennis players or boxers… it’s much easier to see what makes them tick, because you can see them performing in the flesh. I would hope people see me as a fair and loyal person who definitely gives his all when he drives. I guess people know I don’t live in Monaco with a yacht in the harbour, but I don’t suppose they know I get up every morning to walk the dogs. I just like doing normal things.”

[Laughs.] “Well, I’ve sometimes found it hard to say no. But I’m getting better at it.”

“Close, but there’s still a bit to come.”

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