Taking a long hard look down the back of the internet so you don't have to…
Ricky's disappearing act
Conspiracy theorists came out in force to speculate on what precisely happened to Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais after he failed to reappear for nearly an hour during the award ceremony.
The British comedian had introduced the show firing on all cylinders roasting Hollywood royals like Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp and Charlie Sheen. Some stars, like Robert De Niro and Alec Baldwin, laughed it up. Others, like Robert Downey Jr – introduced with the words: "Many of you in this room probably know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail" – seemed less amused.
But when Gervais failed to reappear on camera there was speculation that the organisers had ordered him to tone down his act.
Gervais denies all. He wrote in his blog: “Obviously the rumour that the organisers stopped me going out on stage for an hour is rubbish. I did every link I was scheduled to do. The reason why the gaps were uneven is because I was allowed to choose who I presented to. I obviously chose the spots that I had the best gags for.
“All the same conspiracy theories as last year too… ‘So and so was offended‘… ‘hasn’t been invited back yet’… exactly the same as last time. ‘Paul McCartney was furious‘… no he wasn’t. And nor was Tim Allen and Tom Hanks. I was drinking with them after.”
No doubt the fact that the awards show is still generating publicity more than a week after the ceremony is not lost on its organisers the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.
“Soren wanted the rooster to go back in the ring within a few minutes of its first fight,” said a cockfighting fan from Mohanpur, West Bengal, “and that is when it got upset.”
Soon after, an overzealous trainer Singrai Soren lay dead and his killer – the fighting cockerel – was running as fast as his razor-armoured legs could carry him.
Police warned villagers not to approach ‘an unknown rooster with black and red feathers’. The killer cock had four victories to his name, each earning a £28 (33 euros) prize purse and a chicken dinner for his owner/trainer Singrai Soren.
But Soren had got greedy and forded the cockerel to fight again and again until it suddenly turned on him and slit his throat with razor blades Soren had attached to its legs.
Throwing a party? Stuck for a theme? Then why not get some inspiration from our friends in Croatia where students have been celebrating their return to college with an outbreak of geek parties.
"It's all a bit embarrassing, but the roads that lead into Alassio and Laigueglia are almost identical," said John Button, father of former Formula One world champion Jenson Button. “Even the railings look the same, and they both have a fork in them.”.
Mr Button was speaking to the Daily Telegraph after sparking a two-day police hunt in Italy when he reported his £50,000 Ferrari stolen.
A familiar and popular figure on the F1 circuit, Mr Button feared his Ferrari 550 had been stolen from where he parked it in Alassio on the Italian Riviera.
48 hours later the 65 year old realised he had confused Alassio with nearby Laigueglia – a remarkably similar Ligurian town about a kilometre along the coast. Sure enough, the retired Rallycross driver retraced his route and found his car parked safe and sound where he’d left it.
"The police found it quite amusing and said 'Give our regards to Jenson'.”
Paw and order
To many, a pet cat or dog is like another member of the family, but in Boston, USA, they are also an upstanding member of society.
Sal Esposito has been ordered to join a jury sitting at Suffolk Superior Crown Court in Massachusetts despite the fact that he is in fact a small tabby cat.
“Sal is a member of the family so I listed him on the last Census form under pets but there has clearly been a mix-up,” explained his owner Anna Esposito.
She said she write to the court explaining the error and sent a letter from the vet confirming that ‘Sal’ was "a domestic short-haired neutered feline".
But a jury commissioner responded saying Tabby Sal "must attend" court on March 23. “When they ask him guilty or not guilty? What's he supposed to say – miaow?" she asked.
Get away from it all
If you’ve always dreamed of a sailing holiday in the Mediterranean without sacrificing a life of luxury then the architects at Russian design house Remistudio have the answer to your prayers. The floating Ark Hotel is a floating luxury hotel. It’s designed to withstand floods, tidal waves for a holiday that natural disaster can’t spoil.
The Ark also comes with a huge greenhouse to raise plants as part of an independent life-support system.
First in the queue to order one might be the residents of Dubai, who up until recently included former England cricketer Andrew Flintoff in their number. But it seems Freddie got out just in time as it’s been discovered that either the artificial islands are sinking or the sea is getting deeper. Either way, demand for råft, Ikea’s modular table/single bed/flotation device has never been higher.
And to play us out, just in case you haven’t seen it: