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10 signs you’re a FIFA Ultimate Team addict
Unpacked a teenage superstar instead of spending time with your own? You have a FUT addiction.
Ultimate Team is the crowning achievement in FIFA. Hours upon hours are spent scouring the transfer market for the right player, only for the whole team to be scrapped and sold to make way for the hot new idea you just had five minutes ago.
But the mode can become addictive, and as the lines between hobby and obsession become blurred, these are the 10 signs you know you're a FIFA Ultimate Team addict, and should probably stop playing for a bit.
You miss special occasions because of special cards
We've all done it from time to time, but there's really no excuse nowadays. Phones have calendars, and even watches can tap us on the wrist and tell us we're late, or should be somewhere. No, we're talking about more than skipping appointments – we're talking consistently missing special occasions. Birthdays, weddings, parties: you say no to all of these because you'd rather spend time building your Bundesliga Ultimate Team around Reus. Why pack for a holiday when you could unpack Donnarumma instead?
You start to smell worse than an entire team
"No point having a shower today", you say, "I'm only staying in and playing Ultimate Team. Messi can't smell me through the screen, so what does it matter?" It matters, it really matters.
You have panic attacks if you don’t open a pack a day
Most of us like going for a walk with our loved ones, or spending time with our biological children, but Suarez, Neymar, and Messi are your true heirs. If you're an Ultimate Team addict, taking the time to unwind with loved ones isn't relaxing, it's stressful. You fidget, unable to concentrate, and start to wonder if those aren't heart palpitations you're feeling.
Checking your phone to buy one of these players
© EA
You don’t own a phone, you own a portable FUT device
Like everyone else, your phone is an extension of yourself. "Oh what's that?" a friend will ask. "Are you laughing at something on Twitter?" No. No you're not. You're laughing like a maniac because you've just bagged a cheap Joe Allen and you can't believe you managed it while walking to the shops. You don't have productivity folders, or social media apps, you just have the Ultimate Team app, and a bag full of battery extenders. You can't miss sniping a good player, after all.
You fall asleep next to a controller instead of a loved one
Actually, dropping off with one Dualshock in your paws isn't too bad. You should definitely start worrying when you drift off clutching two though. PS4 gamepad in the left, Xbox One pad in the right, two TVs glowing in the 3am darkness. Well, you can't risk having a better team on one console, right?
Your sick record is worse than Jack Wilshere’s
There's probably a stat somewhere that says X amount of people have a duvet day Y amount of times per year. Look, we're not here to come down on anyone for that, but when your boss is asking you to come in for a meeting to discuss it, because you've had more sick days than actual work days, you have a problem – especially if your excuse is then to pull another sickie so you can finish another tournament.
Coughing meekly down the phone because you've got "flu" so you can sneak another exploration of the bronze players to find a gem? Get help.
Actual football is boring compared to “real” FUT
© EA
You have a backup for your backup controller
We've all got a spare battery, or even a second controller ready to go. Sometimes it's just being organised, or maybe you play a lot of multiplayer. Whatever the reason, this is an okay thing to do. But look, three controllers, all powered and ready to go, with a fourth battery on charge permanently is a bit much.
You understand player chemistry better than human relationships
You don't go on many dates, but when you do, you tell the potential significant other that you have a Hunter card that will give you +15 acceleration and +15 positioning. Incidentally, that's why the few dates you go on always end with the other person running away. Also, let's be honest, you keep going on about having a Messi as some strange brag, but what you really have now is a messy, smelly room, and nobody wants to be in it. Ultimate Team is not a person.
You care more about your digital team than your actual team
Growing up, your father would take you to see your local team. The bond between you was real and important, and the team you loved together were always in your heart. Trouble is, you can't remember what team that was, because 'FUsBaLL Raiders 12ty18' are your life now and you stopped calling your dad.
You’re reading this
We hate to break it to you, but if you're reading this, you're probably already addicted. You saw the headline, you clicked through hoping to find some kind of justification that you're not "one of them", but you are. How else could you know so much about FUT? How else could you list the transfer prices of lesser known players, or reel off six players every squad should have?
Fear not though: acceptance is the first step to healing so come with us, come to the light, and let's start The Journey, which is apparently going to return for FIFA 18. Actually, what new FUT features will be in FIFA 18? Oh dear.
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