Teahupo’o surpassed any and all expectations. Our hands still tremble from all that applauding.
Waves: B-. Sorry, but we’re not grading on a curve here. It may have been absolutely firing for the common man, but this was not the Teahupo’o that we’ve come to hope for on the World Tour. We want mountains! But we only got hills. It wasn’t the best year wave-wise, but it certainly wasn’t the worst.
Party: B. There wasn’t much of that loud music and flashing lights and dance, dance dance type of partying. There was, however, lots of casual afternoons spent sipping Hinano — which is perfectly fine. Everybody needs a break from Daft Punk’s Get Lucky, we suppose.
Surfing: A+. The absence of life-threatening surf meant the presence of immaculate technique. Hours were spent on that tricky foamball. 10’s were being tossed around like footballs and each one of them was warranted.
Claims: A. We saw a lot of heartfelt claims in Tahiti. It was nice to see the flailing arms come from actual passion instead of desperation. However, nothing will live up to Andy Irons’ shotgun claim here years ago. Might we say that was the best claim in history?
Girls: B. Tahiti isn’t the cheapest place on earth. That said, there is an absence of fun-hungry youth looking for a cheap thrill and a wild night. And that said, there isn’t an excessive amount of beautiful women. Still, all it takes is one pan of a webcam through the channel to see that the place had some talent. Ugly might not be a word in Tahiti.
Overall: A. Not bad, Teahupo’o. Not bad at all.