Far from being a slight on nature's infallibility, wave pools are a lesson in man-made perfection.
It's midnight in the largest of the Canary Islands. My magazine Stab has hired a wavepool for a week-long shoot, an experiment in surf photography where large scrims allow for night silhouette shots. A fashion photographer is flown from Australia for the job and a local stringer is used, also.
Bruce Irons, Kolohe Andino, Evan Geiselman and Julian Wilson are the guns.
It's a big-budget job that requires fistfuls of cash (no credit cards here) and a blind faith in a wave pool we've never seen but that is supposed to crank a four-foot wave (it does). The shoot goes well. Photos are taken, silhouettes are created and everyone has a hell of a time.
And then it gets really good. The cameras are packed, the pro's are back in their shuttles to their hotels. And we look at each other.
"Can we keep the park open for another hour?"
From midnight til well after one am, it's me and three other guys taking turns on a four-foot right-hander that arrives with an almighty scream, bucks a little on the takeoff, presents a bowl and two fine cutback sections as it winds off into the darkness.
At one point, I'm standing in the shallows and I see my buddy, a big man, lance a wave under the brilliant HDMI lights, the spray turning purple, and disappear into the darkness. Surreal? Fantastic? Magnificent? How many adjectives can you throw at a wave in a theme park?
You want to know something that might shake you up a little? Up to a size, waves in parks can be just as good as anything you'll find in an ocean.
But even more fun. Your pals are watching. No one's hassling. Skate might be an offshoot of surf, but surfing in a park is our shot at riding bowls and perfecting tricks.
Purists might balk at this revelation. But, what the hell, they hate everything.
And have you seen the Wadi Adventure Park in the UAE?
Too much fun.
Can you even imagine how much fun you'll be having if Kelly gets his parks off the ground?