The 15 Inviolable Truths of Surfing

Just as the earth orbits the sun, as the tides rise and fall, some things never change. 

1. You won't get better at surfing by going to the gym.

2. Once a child has been anointed as a pro surfer he will never again have to use the following words and phrases: please, thanks, you go first and I'll pay.

3. Three Triple Crowns equals one world title.

4. It's never acceptable to snake a pal you shared a ride to the beach with.

5. An unannounced drop-in is never ironic or part of some retro feel-good vibe.

6. It might be the most totally advanced technology in the world and it might be half the price, and maybe even twice the strength, but it’s still a plastic surfboard.

7. No one can see concave behind the back fin. It’s the Yeti of surf design.

8. All those stretches you do on the beach? They don’t do a damn thing. Go for a jog, heat up the hinges, loosen the sinew.

9. Joining the online commentary about surfers being robbed by biased judges is the equivalent of commanding the dance floor with your hilarious gangnam-style routine. Just don't do it.

10. Always the hoot, sometimes the shaka, never the wink.
 

11. Never trust a man who describes his last ride in forensic detail, particularly if that description involves "one of the sickest tubes ever."

12. It is always unacceptable to refuse a pal's request for a dawn sesh.

13. There is no dignified way to surface after a blown takeoff.

14. Ten cakes of wax will always last just as long as one.

15. Christian Fletcher was landing stale fishes 20 years ago. It makes you cute, but it doesn't make you an innovator.