Enduro
Can a colander help you exponentially improve your mullet game? How do you grow the most aerodynamic mullet? Enduro extraordinaire and mullet aficionado, Toby Price, has all the answers.
Australia is a noteworthy place for many reasons. We have 60 different species of kangaroo, three national frisbee teams and a single cattle ranch that’s larger than Israel, for instance. You bloody beauty.
But perhaps the only thing you need to know about the land down under is that we’re undeniably, and irrefutably, the spiritual home of the mullet. Just ask world champ enduro racer and bona fide mullet icon, Toby Price, who reckons his luscious long locks hold the key to his speed.
But before you slide into our DMs with pictures of Billy Ray Cyrus in the 80s, let us just say that we know America birthed a few ridgey-didge mullets. No one is claiming otherwise. But where are the USA mullets now, guys? Wherefore art thou Americana mullets? They’re gone. Extinct. Buried alongside stonewashed jeans and Walkman cassette tapes.
But here in Australia, the mullet lives on.
You see, the Australian mullet is a beautiful badge of non-conformity. It unites people and transcends social standings. It harks back to the golden mane of Johnny Farnham and Warwick Capper’s frizz. It brings Toadie from Neighbours and Bailey Smith from the Bulldogs under one banner. Struth, the Aussie mullet isn’t even gendered. Courtney Barnett rocks a Fitzroy mop and we’re pretty sure Sharon Strzelecki had a mullé in one of the later Kath and Kim seasons.
And listen up, boys and girls. Ben Stratton was made captain of Hawthorn, that’s right – captain of an AFL team – WITH A MULLET. The mullet will be no hindrance to your career. In fact, if Stratton and Price are anything to go by, a strong mullet can make for a strong career.
But what’s the key to a ripper mullet? For Toby, he reckons it all comes down to its aerodynamics. Which is saying something considering he’s a world champion racer with his eyes on the podium of the 2021 Dakar Rally.
If you’re looking to sculpt a streamlined barnet of your own, here are his top three tips:
1. Keep things dirty
Price’s hard and fast (literally) mullet rule actually concerns itself with hair upkeep, maintenance and condition, rather than cut. “The secret is a bitta dirt in the hair, a little bitta grease and plenty of fresh air when it’s flappin’ out the back of my helmet,” says Price. You heard it here first, young mulleteers. Dirt, grease and fresh air makes for a mighty fast mop.
2. Have a salad colander handy
Apologies in advance to barbers everywhere, but Price’s hairdressing tools of choice include a handful of water, one pair of scissors and a single colander (the thing you drain spaghetti in). According to Price, just “place the bowl very gently [on your head], keep your head very still, be careful – do not poke your eye out with the scissors,” he says. Sage advice, friends.
If you’re unfamiliar with the classic bowl cut, lucky you. It means you were likely never subjected to home haircuts as a child where your mum sat a mixing bowl on your noggin’ and used the bowl’s edge to cut an embarrassingly straight line. The haircut might grow out but the photos will (unfortunately) prevail.
3. Always trim the front
Price recently put his mullet to the speed test and clocked the difference between a trimmed and untrimmed mullet. And guess what? His untrimmed mane, while Tarzan-like and impressive, actually slowed him down by .7 of a second.
“Everyone keeps asking, do we trim the back?” say Toby. “For me, no. All I trim is the front. The front basically disperses the wind, then for the mullet you want as much length out the back as you can get – that keeps your back wheel planted.”
Yewwww! There you have it – the science-backed recipe for a fair dinkum, bloody fast mullet. Go forth and race, mates.
