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The best Red Dead Redemption 2 horse names for Online and Solo
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh-name. Or, stay tuned for some of our best (bad) work in wordsmithing...
Though it's true that Red Dead Redemption 2 is mainly about free-wheeling fun that indulges your worst Westworld impulses, we'd like to rein you in from that and saddle you with one important responsibility. Christening your horse. Your faithful steed will be a huge part of your journey through the 60+ hours of the single-player -- not to mention the limitless hours beyond in Red Dead Online. Bottom line: we think nobody ought to go through all that desert on a horse with no name.
Much like those obscene super cars we all collected in GTA Online, your quadruped is going to be scrutinized as a status symbol in Red Dead Online. Breed and grooming will play a role in impressing your fellow outlaws, but let's not also discount the importance of a memorable moniker...
In the interest of giving you some advice on what title to settle on, we've divided this guide up into categories. Our opening section focuses on more pop culture references than Ready Player One, and then we'll slowly devolve into some horse puns. Fair warning: they're pretty bad.
Taking it all in stride
© Rockstar
VIDEOGAME GREATS
The goal here is simplicity itself: impress your fellow hardcore gamers by referencing beloved horses that featured in other Triple-A titles.
Moving back a little further in gaming history we have Butt Stallion, Handsome Jack's fabled loot-poopin' diamond pony from Borderlands 2...
Edgier folk may want to go with Ruin, the horse who bore War in Darksiders (and if that name isn't depressing enough you could go with brother Death's mount, Despair). Contemporary gamers also won't be able to gallop past a name like D-Horse, Big Boss's companion who could poop on command in Metal Gear Solid V. Alternatively, if you're ambivalent to horses you ought to go with Roach, Geralt of Rivia's one-size-fits-all name for every disposable steed he's ridden into the ground
Moving back a little further in gaming history we have Butt Stallion, Handsome Jack's fabled loot-poopin' diamond pony from Borderlands 2. World of Warcraft fans might also want to saddle up with Invincible the 1% drop-rate ghost companion of the legendary Lich King.
Brooding
© Rockstar
The more Nintendo-minded gamer will no doubt gravitate to Epona (of Ocarina of Time fame) and there's always the Pokéchoices that are Ponyta or Rapidash. Personally, we got a kick out of naming one of our two black stallions Shadowmere in honour of the red-eyed Dark Brotherhood reward from The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. The other was lovingly labelled Agro as a shout out to Shadow of the Colossus.
Honourable mentions: Hudson Horstachio (Viva Pinata).
NON-HORSE STEEDS FOR KICKS
Not into horses? Not a problem. There's comedy potential in simply naming your quadruped after a rideable beast that clearly wasn't a horse in the first place.
We went on a bit of a He-Man tangent in the early hours by naming one of our companions Battlecat -- and if you want to be a little more obscure you could substitute that for Skeletor's ride, Panthor. Heck, let's stay in the 80s with a nod to Falcor, the luck dragon from The Never Ending Story.
Other outside-the-box options include Yoshi, Mario's egg-pooping ride; Chocobo, for the Final Fantasy fans; and Yakkul, Ashitaka's red elk mount from anime classic Princess Mononoke.
OTHER MEDIA
Want to expand your options beyond just gaming? There are a bunch of wonderful horses worth wrangling in from other entertainment mediums...
Rocinante, Don Quixote's past-his-prime work horse is a good start, as is Hidalgo, from the Western movie of the same name. That theme can be continued with Silver from The Lone Ranger, too. We'd also be remiss if we went past Westerns without mentioning Cisco, the buckskin ridden by Lt. John J. Dunbar in Dances With Wolves.
Hi-ho Silver...
© Rockstar
Moving into children's entertainment, you could undo years of therapy by remembering Artax from The Never Ending Story (but maybe keep him away from deep mud in-game, yeah?). Disney had a stable of options as well. There's Philippe from Beauty and the Beast, Khan from Mulan, Pegasus from Hercules or Bullseye from Toy Story. You could even do a piss-take reference to Donkey of Shrek fame.
Moving on into fantasy and sci-fi genres, Game of Thrones fans shouldn't go past Stranger, the ill-tempered warhorse of one Sandor Clegane. You'd also be nuts not to name the elusive white stallion in the game Shadowfax, as a tribute to the lord of all horses who aided Gandalf in The Two Towers. Anime aficionados need to give props to Onyx, Andy's chess-playing elevator-using super horse in Cowboy Bebop. And the animation theme must continue with Bojack of Bojack Horseman fame.
Before we round this section out let's drop a few incredibly obscure horse names. If another player picks these references they have remarkable pop culture tastes and an impressive memory. Parks and Recreation viewers need to light a candle for Li'l Sebastian, the miniature horse that melted mighty Ron Swanson's heart. You should also try Mr. Ed, the star of a live-action 1950s show that made a horse “talk” by way of peanut butter. And let's all get macabre by mentioning Khartoum, the famous horse that showed up in somebody's bed in The Godfather (note: not all of him).
Lanik. Now that's a name you can trust
© Rockstar
AWFUL WORDPLAY
Let's get into the dad joke section with a few short, single word names. Gift could be for any horse that shouldn't be looked in the mouth. Glue, Trojan and Neighsayer are worth an eye-roll as well.
Anybody looking to test the character limit might want to attempt the following. We know mates who went with Pinto Lowrider, Paddock Basher and Beverly Hills Clop. After lassoing in an especially pretty steed, our significant other suggested the very complimentary title of Neighbelline (apparently she was worth it). Other ideas submitted from that side of the room include Hay Gurl and Mane Event. We stopped asking for input soon after.
We were more concerned with seeing if the text box would accept Stirrup Trouble, Make it Rein, Foal Me Once and Not Entirely Stable. Some made it, others we'll retest when (hopefully) Red Dead Online allows for longer names.
NAME DROPPING
As we transition from awful pun phrases to genuine, actual racehorse names, let's stop briefly and riff on famous names and fictitious characters. Joesph Stallion, Flank Ocean and Harry Trotter may appeal to somebody, somewhere.
Whoa, Nelly
© Rockstar
With that out of our system, let's dismount with the names of some truly legendary steeds – famous race horses who were peerless in their respective times. A great start is Secretariat, an American Thoroughbred racehorse who, in 1973, became the first Triple Crown winner in 25 years and is STILL basically the fastest horse on dirt. Alternatively, go with the perennial underdog Seabiscuit or Man O' War, the legendary sire whose blood runs through him (and Secretariat, too). Also, it'd be un-Australian of this writer not to mention the virtually unbeatable Phar Lap in this list.
Honourable mentions: Seattle Slew, Ruffian, Frankel.
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