In 2001, Jansen scored a hat-trick against Arsenal in Blackburn's 4-0 rout
© Getty
Football
Football after a brain injury: Matt Jansen on the power of the mind
After a serious head injury curtailed his career, the former Premier League striker reveals what he's learned about dealing with anxiety, depression and major trauma as an elite athlete.
Written by Joe Ellison
11 min readPublished on
There comes a time in most sporting careers when an athlete finds themselves at a crossroads and everything changes forever. Just not usually in the literal sense.
Scootering around Rome on a summer’s day in 2002, Matt Jansen, a then-Premier League forward with no idea his life was about to alter irrevocably, was edging out of amber traffic lights with his girlfriend when everything went blank.
If the world wasn’t at his feet prior to the crash, it wasn’t far away. After rising through the ranks at his hometown club Carlisle United, and then Crystal Palace, Jansen turned down a bid from Manchester United in favour of a move to Blackburn Rovers, playing a key role in their 2001 promotion to the Premier League and scoring a goal in their 2002 League Cup final victory.
A mercurial talent with a left foot more cultured than the Louvre, Jansen also had the tenacity to match the technique. Naturally, England soon beckoned and, after one call-up, the starlet was widely tipped to make the 2002 World Cup squad; until Sven-Göran Eriksson decided to take extra defensive cover in Martin Keown at the last minute. It was then that 24-year-old Jansen booked the trip to Rome.
"There I was, on the floor, lying in blood, comatose," says Jansen of the moment he was wiped out by a taxi. "The medics presumed I was dead and were preparing me. My girlfriend [now wife] Lucy, who fortunately was unharmed, was crying and holding my hand when she felt me squeeze hers – subconsciously I guess – and told them I was in fact alive."
Having suffered multiple brain haemorrhages, Jansen was in a coma for six days. It was a miracle the striker even survived the accident, let alone went on to play another four seasons of Premier League football with Blackburn.
He might have looked the same player on the outside but inside something had switched. His brain had rewired itself, with even teammates largely oblivious to the inner turmoil that plagued Jansen as he made his comeback in the game.
In his new autobiography, What Was, What Is and What Might Have Been, Jansen gives a searingly earnest account of the mental hardships he faced both following the crash and in his search to rediscover the spark that had taken him to the very top.
Hoping to illustrate just how important and fragile the mind is when it comes to sport, here the former footballer tells Red Bull the lessons he's learned along the way.

1. You can take confidence for granted

In 2001, Jansen scored a hat-trick against Arsenal in Blackburn's 4-0 rout
In 2001, Jansen scored a hat-trick against Arsenal in Blackburn's 4-0 rout© Getty
“After promotion back to the Premier League with Blackburn in 2001, I was flying high. Take one game against Arsenal, where I had scored two goals and found myself chasing down Thierry Henry. Now, I wasn’t slow, but I definitely wasn’t as fast as Henry – who I’d previously played against for England U21s vs. France – but you wouldn’t have known it. He was running at full pelt and I was matching him stride for stride. ‘How the hell am I doing this?' I thought. It was strange, surreal, but it was just down to ultra-confidence, a psychological barrier I'd broken down, even if I took the power of the mind for granted at that time. Remember how Michael Jordan constantly broke the laws of science with how long he could jump in the air? Some sporting acts just can’t be explained by science.
"Before I had the accident, I was always in denial about mistakes – it was a bad ball or a bad bounce, I’d brush it off. After the accident the opposite happened. I’d say ‘my mistake' even if it wasn’t, compounding all my faults into one big cycle of angst. They’d eat me alive."

2. A damaged brain can send you into primeval mode

Matt Jansen made 97 Premier League appearances
Matt Jansen made 97 Premier League appearances© Getty
"When I arrived back in the UK after the accident, I was still in a daze. My brother was over in Canada getting married, so Lucy suggested I stay at her parents’ place in the countryside to recover. I’d damaged my frontal lobe, which affects your inhibitions, which meant I was like a kid – unsteady on my feet, sleeping 20-22 hours a day, eating whatever was in front of me, burping.
"On one occasion Lucy found me downstairs having a conversation in just my boxer shorts with Lucy’s mum and dad, who I’d only met on a handful of occasions prior to the crash. My brain was clearly still damaged. Her mum broke down and ran out of the room as she couldn’t handle how I was. Your brain just goes into recharging mode. I would be eating with my hands, drooling, with food down my face. “I’d damaged the part of the brain responsible for impulse control [prefrontal cortex], but slowly and surely it began to come back.”
I got home after scoring a worldie vs. Liverpool and cried my eyes out – I didn't know how I had done it. I'd lost control.
Matt Jansen

3. You can't treat a serious brain trauma like a broken leg

Matt Jansen on the deck playing for Blackburn
Matt Jansen on the deck playing for Blackburn© Getty
“Nobody’s really had a severe head injury and gone back to playing football at the highest level. One neurosurgeon told me that it would be 12 months at a minimum, if at all, before I’d be playing again. But I ended up playing within four months, because of – what the doctors thought – was a rapid recovery. My brain hadn’t settled down and I was far from right. Can you imagine if you broke your leg and the doctors said you need 12 months but you ended up playing again in four months, and what damage it would do? Your brain is even more precious than your leg. Now I wonder what damage I was doing to myself. I certainly know I wasn’t given the best chance by playing after four months.

4. Playing football should feel automatic

Jansen was a fans' favourite at Ewood Park
Jansen was a fans' favourite at Ewood Park© blackburn-birmingham
"Everything beforehand had been automatic, it was just slow-motion, but when your brain can do it one minute and it can't do it the next, it changes everything. Now I was anxious, fearful, I didn’t want the ball. I’d think, ‘Shit, the ball’s coming to me. Control it. OK, I’ve done that, what now?' It was all a thinking process. Meanwhile the coaching staff would say, ‘You’re fine.' People around me would put it down to a knock of confidence. I’m adamant it wasn’t just confidence.
"I still put my head between ball and keeper, as that's just bravery, not a skill, it was more that I suddenly felt I wasn't natural. That’s what I couldn’t get my head around. Suddenly I didn't want the ball because I’d lose the ball. Being put on the bench would feel like a secret relief, I didn't want to play.
"When my old teammate Mark Hughes took over as manager at Blackburn in late 2004, he put me in the squad for his first game, against Portsmouth. I was happy to come on and score the winner but nothing had changed. One my friends said my celebrations looked angry, whereas my previous celebrations usually involved me running around giddy like a kid. Something still wasn’t right."

5. Your frontal lobe can take over in stressful situations

Jansen felt 'out of control' when he scored one wonder goal vs. Liverpool
Jansen felt 'out of control' when he scored one wonder goal vs. Liverpool© Getty
"I scored some great goals after the accident, but I couldn’t tell you how I scored most of them. In one game against Liverpool at Ewood Park in 2003, I’d totted the ball over an onrushing Jamie Carragher just outside the box, lifted the ball back over him again before volleying it into the bottom corner of the goal. After the game everybody was saying ‘Janny’s back’, but I wasn't. That evening after scoring this worldie vs. Liverpool I cried my eyes out because I didn't know how I'd done it. I'd lost control. I couldn't continue like that.
"Early into my recovery Blackburn paid for me to see Steve Peters, a well-known sports psychologist who has worked a lot with Team Sky's cycling team. He told me I was so fearful in that Liverpool game that my brain must have taken over because it couldn’t deal with the anxiety, so the mind was doing what it used to.
He also explained why football didn't feel automatic anymore. 'The frontal lobe is your learning stage,' he said. 'When you become good at something, it passes onto the parietal lobe, where your actions are automatic.' And, according to Steve, in stressful situations the frontal lobe can come back into play, which is why you see top players missing penalties in World Cup finals – the frontal lobe has taken over."

6. Psychological tricks can help to retune the mind

The former Blackburn star tried all kinds of mental tricks to get better
The former Blackburn star tried all kinds of mental tricks to get better© Getty
I saw Steve once a week. One of his trademark methods for coping with anxiety is to refer to the part of the brain that runs on emotions and instinct as ‘the Chimp’, which can either grow or shrink depending how you feel. It's worked for a lot of major athletes and it certainly used to inflate my confidence when I saw him but, by the end of the week, I’d have sunk down back down. I ultimately couldn’t keep the Chimp under control on my own.
"Steve also once asked me to play a Premier League game imagining I had a hood over my head. The thinking was that if nobody could recognise me, I wouldn't get so down on making mistakes. At the time I didn't really buy into it but I can see where he was coming from. There are little tricks you can do to try and fool the brain."

7. Depression can cripple the most 'invincible' of athletes

Jansen goes into a challenge with Roy Keane at Old Trafford
Jansen goes into a challenge with Roy Keane at Old Trafford© Getty
"One day Steve Peters introduced me to Victoria Pendleton at Manchester Velodrome. While I knew she was a world-class cyclist, I had no idea that, behind-the-scenes, she physically struggled to get on her bike due to anxiety. She probably wouldn't have got on the saddle at all had Steve not been there. It was comforting and nice to speak to someone else in sport who also suffered from anxiety. I don’t think she publicly opened up about it until much later, and it wasn’t really an accepted subject back then. It made me wonder what would happen if Steve was with me every day, as he was with Victoria. Then of course you start making these excuses about why you're not fully mentally fit, and then the Chimp keeps getting bigger until you can't fight it back."
Family and friends are everything. I was at rock bottom, virtually suicidal, so if I didn’t have that support, I dread to think what might have happened.
Matt Jansen

8. Anxiety can grab you at anytime (and fool you)

Jansen also had spells for Bolton, Wrexham, Coventry and New York Red Bulls
Jansen also had spells for Bolton, Wrexham, Coventry and New York Red Bulls© Getty
"After I signed for Bolton in 2006, I saw how ahead of the game Sam Allardyce was with sports science. He had two sports psychologists on his staff but I was too far gone at that point. Coming off the field against an Arsenal team, which featured the likes of Cesc Fabregas, in one Premier League game, I apologised to Sam as I thought I’d had a bad game. He was just like, 'What are you on about?' Turned out I'd been given man of the match.
My fear was so overwhelming my brain played tricks on me. I can even remember fainting on the pitch at Portsmouth while playing for Bolton. I just fell down. I was that panicky and scared that I fell to the ground, but there was no reason for it. Anxiety can make you feel sick and in different ways, too. It just grabs you at times, it’s awful. Often I couldn’t eat, while other times I'd just be staring into space like a character from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

9. You have to break out of a negative mindset

Jansen battling for the ball with Thierry Henry for England vs. France U21s
Jansen battling for the ball with Thierry Henry for England vs. France U21s© Getty
"I learned to move on – you can only dwell on it for so long. Once I got past 35, I wasn’t trying to live up to Matt Jansen the player anymore, it was just Matt Jansen. 'Look at what you did do,' I can now tell myself, 'and what you’ve got. Realise what’s important. Are you going to live like this for the rest of your life, or do you move forward' That’s the attitude that I had to have, but it took a long time to get there.
"The support I had from friends and family, and Lucy especially, has been so important. I had been at rock bottom, virtually suicidal, so if I didn’t have the support I did, like Lucy, I dread to think what might have happened."

10. Mental fitness is as important as physical fitness

Jansen with Frank Lampard during a training session with England
Jansen with Frank Lampard during a training session with England© Getty
"One thing I’ve learned since the crash is how mental fitness is even more beneficial than physical fitness. I've had really dark times with depression and anxiety and now I’m happy to say that’s exactly what it was. The taboos aren't really there anymore, and since releasing my book I’ve had amazing feedback on the mental fitness side of things.
"In fact I was recently invited to a pub in Battersea to watch an England match with the Duke of Cambridge in support of CALM and Heads Up charity. Frank Lampard was also there, and I already knew Frank so that put me at ease, but I hadn’t met the Duke before so I was bricking it a bit – it’s the future king, after all. But he’s such a normal guy so it's easy to chat with him, he puts you really at ease. Which is quite fitting actually, because Heads Up is all about letting people know they shouldn't be afraid to speak up and talk to one another."
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